Becoming transparent

For me, the process of restoration of my sanity and my soul has been one of becoming transparent:  being vulnerable to be seen and yet still maintaining one’s boundary and integrity of self.

Too often it’s been easy for me to ‘hide’ behind words or appearance, yet inside my emotions are barely in check and sometimes, depending on how anxious the circumstance was to me, I felt as if I wouldn’t be able to endure the situation without some kind of substance or substitute to make it through.

And then I began being serious to embark on the path of letting go.  First I journeyed through the healing art of Reiki, which taught me to surrender my ego at the door.  This force is greater than me, so I’ll just get out of the way and let it do it’s job.

This spiritual path has allowed incredible changes in my personality and relationships to take place, and yet, there still was this nagging void I’d encounter in situations that provoked my anxiety.

I tried a lot of different methods to understand this void, to get to the root of what it was about:  hypnosis, therapy, holotropic breathwork, sound healing, psychic readings, shamanic rituals, art therapy, were some to name a few.

Some methods would give glimpses of insight, but nothing held for long.  The void would return.  It never occurred to me to simply let the void be, to shine through me rather than have to fill it up, with something or someone.  Simply put, to be transparent.

Through additional bodywork,  continued Reiki and 12 step meetings I’ve been able to come to this truth, and as I have, this transparent quality continues to emerge.

It’s very Reiki-like.  Being present, not having an agenda, being honest and allowing oneself to be witnessed.  There is a great degree of liberty in this place.

For me, it’s allowed the void within to have space, to be seen.  It is becoming part of the fabric of  my own translucence.  Each day I give room and gratitude for this process that continues to evolve in becoming transparent.

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Copyright 2013 Eileen Dey